I Foresee Tears In My Future

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Periphery

I still watch over you, son

I’ll never stop worrying or praying or being proud

Your growing and changing, maturing and mating

It makes no difference to a mother’s care

On Monday you two will be joined

Sweethearts, friends, lovers and now mates for life

Together you create a new center, a new unit

And I shall rejoice in your joy from the periphery

 

Day Two. 28 more. Over and out.

 

Fiscal Fury

Two plus two equals four

My checkbook says no more

It wants the rent

Electric requests its dues

Eating oatmeal for lunch, I wonder

How to transport from work to home

I am a turnip

No blood

How did I get here

How do I get out

 

Heads Or Tails – HEADS Three

Visit Skittle’s for information on Heads Or Tails

The Three Oddest Words

When I pronounce the word Future,
the first syllable already belongs to the past.
When I pronounce the word Silence,
I destroy it.
When I pronounce the word Nothing,
I make something no non-being can hold.

By Wislawa Szymborska
Translated by S. Baranczak & C. Cavanagh

 

And I went to the dentist today…all around? Not a good day

A POEM AMORY SENT TO ELEANOR AND WHICH HE CALLED “SUMMER STORM”

by: F. Scott Fitzgerald (1896-1940)

• AINT winds, and a song fading and leaves falling,

  Faint winds, and far away a fading laughter . . .

  And the rain and over the fields a voice calling . . .

  One gray blown cloud scurries and lifts above,

  Slides on the sun and flutters there to waft her

  Sisters on. The shadow of a dove

  Falls on the cote, the trees are filled with wings;

  And down the valley through the crying trees

  The body of the darker storm flies; brings

  With its new air the breath of sunken seas

  And slender tenuous thunder . . .

  But I wait . . .

  Wait for the mists and for the blacker rain–

  Heavier winds that stir the veil of fate,

  Happier winds that pile her hair;

  Again

  They tear me, teach me, strew the heavy air

  Upon me, winds that I know, and storm.

  There was a summer every rain was rare;

  There was a season every wind was warm . . .

  And now you pass me in the mist . . . your hair

  Rain-blown about you, damp lips curved once more

  In that wild irony, that gay despair

  That made you old when we have met before;

  Wraith-like you drift on out before the rain,

  Across the fields, blown with the stemless flowers,

  With your old hopes, dead leaves and loves again–

  Dim as a dream and wan with all old hours

  (Whispers will creep into the growing dark . . .

  Tumult will die over the trees)

  Now night

  Tears from her wetted breast the splattered blouse

  Of day, glides down the dreaming hills, tear-bright,

  To cover with her hair the eerie green . . .

  Love for the dusk . . . Love for the glistening after;

  Quiet the trees to their last tops . . . serene . . .

  Faint winds, and far away a fading laughter . . .

 

I know why

I know why the caged bird sings by Maya Angelou

A free bird leaps on the back
Of the wind and floats downstream
Till the current ends and dips his wing
In the orange suns rays
And dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks down his narrow cage
Can seldom see through his bars of rage
His wings are clipped and his feet are tied
So he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
Of things unknown but longed for still
And his tune is heard on the distant hill for
The caged bird sings of freedom.

The free bird thinks of another breeze
And the trade winds soft through
The sighing trees
And the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright
Lawn and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
His shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
His wings are clipped and his feet are tied
So he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with
A fearful trill of things unknown
But longed for still and his
Tune is heard on the distant hill
For the caged bird sings of freedom.

 

Upon Remembering

I find it exceedingly strange that as I age, I suddenly remember things that I had forgotten for decades! It is always something that was extremely important to me once and was seemingly lost forever in the vat on top of my shoulders and then boom I just remember. I have no idea where the memory pops from or what triggers the remembrance. It is just there, out of the blue.

We visited my paternal grandparents weekly. As a child, I adored my paternal grandfather. My paternal grandmother was a card carrying member of the Children are to be seen, not heard club. When at their home for Sunday dinner, I had to entertain myself in a room down the hall. There were no children’s toys. I had imagination and books. I remember before I could read well, I was captivated by the Peanut’s books, most likely because it was pictures/cartoons. After a few more years reading experience, for the first time, I fell head over heels in love with a book.

At the most, I was possibly 9 years old. It was thin and paperback, unlike most of Grandfather’s books. It had a powder blue cover surrounding a penciled rendition of the profile of a man with a large beard. I cannot for the life of me remember the exact title (this was the late 60s and I can hardly remember last Friday). It was a collection of poems by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. I devoured the words with a passion I would love to tap into again these days. Something about the cadence of Hiawatha’s Childhood moved into the gray matter between my ears and didn’t leave for years. I didn’t read the poems, as much as I could hear them in my head. It was wonderful. As I recall, when Grandfather passed away I was given that book. I do not remember, now, what happened to that beloved book.

Today, suddenly and 35+ years later, I heard the words in my head. I know not where they came from, but they gave me great comfort. And I will take comfort wherever and however it comes.

The Reaper And The Flowers.
by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

There is a Reaper, whose name is Death,
And, with his sickle keen,
He reaps the bearded grain at a breath,
And the flowers that grow between.
“Shall I have naught that is fair?” saith he;
“Have naught but the bearded grain?
Though the breath of these flowers is sweet to me,
I will give them all back again.”

He gazed at the flowers with tearful eyes,
He kissed their drooping leaves;
It was for the Lord of Paradise
He bound them in his sheaves.

“My Lord has need of these flowerets gay,”
The Reaper said, and smiled;
“Dear tokens of the earth are they,
Where he was once a child.”

“They shall all bloom in fields of light,
Transplanted by my care,
And saints, upon their garments white,
These sacred blossoms wear.”

And the mother gave, in tears and pain,
The flowers she most did love;
She knew she should find them all again
In the fields of light above.

O, not in cruelty, not in wrath,
The Reaper came that day;
‘T was an angel visited the green earth,
And took the flowers away.

 

Moon In Autumn

The autumn air is clear,
The autumn moon is bright.
Fallen leaves gather and scatter,
The jackdaw perches and starts anew.
We think of each other- when will we meet?
This hour, this night, my feelings are hard.

Autumn Air by Li Bai

Hey don’t forget to visit my Project 365

 

Epilepsy SUCKS (Nice title, huh?)

I am drowning again

The water closing over my head

Cutting off sight and sound

The deep dark surrounding me

 

The dream is continuous

It creeps upon me deep in the night

I can’t hold my breath anymore

I just want it to stop

 

Every moment the fear

Takes control of my life

Super critical Mom does one thing at a time

Can’t live life waiting for shoe to drop

 

Country songs say “How Can I Help You Say Goodbye”

Goodbye to a life I knew

Can’t let go

Want that life back

 

Crying all the time

But no one knows

Can’t let them see

Because we can do this, we have to

 

Little Angel

Already my miracle

Just goes away for moments

Want those moments back

 

Short as they are

I miss her then

I am frightened

How do we do this forever?

 

Breaks my heart

In little tiny pieces

She awakes and says

“What’d I do?”

 

Perfect angel

I love you more than life

And my tears will float us

To a better life

 

Beneath

 

I am under

Beneath the dark, cold water

I stroke through the silver and black

Unable to reach the reflection above

 

There is a glimpse of cheek above

A flash of fingers outreaching

Unable to rise

Slowly I sink

Down to the silt and stone

 

I kick the bottom

Only stirring up a fog

I twist and turn

No longer knowing up from down

 

No one knows

I am here at the boundary

The twilight between light and dark

 

All of the courage

Once held in my heart

Seems nonexistent here

Beneath the dark, cold water

 

I wander, I soar, I float

I float from here to there and back again

Swirling eddies drag and spin me as I drift, to and fro

I have no oar, no sense of objective

I am lost and alone, yet when found am anxious

I wander through a forest, aimless

Lost in the giant trees, with sunlight blocked

The darkness breathing around me and in me

Yet the trees exhale peace and I am serene

Cold and shivering, yet calm

High above the mountain top I soar as a bird

Wind whistling past my ears, I am deafened

Singular and fated, I hover above all

Watchful of the shadows below, waiting

In expectation of change

Shall I swoop or swim or walk?

When will I know?

I would run, if I followed my instincts

I don’t run

I stay, I wait

I wander, I soar, I float

-Vixen