Just In Case

I protected the post below…email me for the password! I will be glad to share!

UPDATE: Mission accomplished and email sent.

 

Very Positive Things About Moving

Moving is not fun. Well, possibly if you won the lottery and paid someone to move all your stuff and put it exactly where you want by reading your mind and all you had to do was drive over there and walk into a new mansion. Then it might be a little bit fun. I will say though that there are many positives resulting from our little move this past week.

• I know I have mentioned them before, but they are worthy of mention yet again. I have not one, but two working toilets within my actual domicile. Not at the neighbors or in a freezing cold barn. And flushing them has not once caused raw sewage to spew into the yard a few feet from Bear’s door. I call that an extra added bonus.
• I am so much closer to work I shaved nearly 30 minutes off my commute. With the average price of gas last week at high of $3.67 a gallon I have already saved $40 dollars in gas this week and I only went to work three days.
• There is heat within my abode. Hard to think how I managed without it. Truly amazing stuff. I have never had radiant heat (in the ceiling) and it is warm without vents and drafts and not so dry. At the old place when we arose in the morning it was usually about 56 degrees and we would have to turn on the gas stove to warm it up enough to shower, because our little electric heater just couldn’t handle it.
• Speaking of showers….this one is not a 3’6″ square. It actually has a tub. I can move around during a shower or soak in a tub.
• On the weekend when Nanny and company came to visit, we were able to sit on couches (Thanks to a lovely gift from MacDougal of his old ones) and visit. We could only fit two chairs into the old place. We were also able to sit at the table and eat dinner.
• This place is actually magical. One night I put our dirty dishes into this box under the cabinet and while I was sleeping pixies came and washed my dishes!
• The washer and dryer are in the laundry (hall) closet. That means no going out through the rain and cold to wash and then hauling the laundry over to the barn to dry it.
• A bonus laundry issue is there is hot water going to the washing machine. Do you know how much cleaner your clothes get when you can wash them in warm water?
• You can walk down the hallway without having to turn sideways. In fact, two people can actually pass in the hallway.
• Here I am allowed to actually hang things up. Our new place is now decorated and we were allowed to hang the toilet paper holder and towel racks too.

I could go on and on with things about not having gravel tracked inside, free water, wall to wall carpet, and electricity that works, but I will let you all go now. What was that? You say everyone has these things? Well, pshaw, who knew.

I do not have internet yet (should be done tomorrow!) and I have to walk down the road to find an unsecured network. I hope to be back full force soon and I will share an excellent story about Ladybug and some cute pictures of Butterball eating solid food! I may even be able to look up the Heads Or Tails for Tuesday and participate.

 

Unraveling

I don’t have words to describe

And what would you care anyway

I can roll with the punches

But only because I always have an instant plan

If only it was just me

But it’s not I have to separate myself

And tuck away any emotions

Care for my family, as dwindling as it might be

No matter the instructions

Take care of yourself

Who I am, means I must take care of the youngin’

I just need a place to go

Where I can live with life’s necessities

And not suffer this paralyzing, slow torture

Of punishment and disappointment

Of losing my spark, my soul

 

A Decade

Minutes turn to hours, counting seconds tick away. Another day tomorrow, tomorrow’s just another day. Days turn into years, and time goes by, over and over, again and again, and then, years turn into decades. Decades. -Joe Walsh

Ten years is a long time. Ten years is a short time. I remember the last time we talked like it was yesterday. I was surprised you called, you loved conversation in person, but phone calls were not your forte. We had just moved to So Cal and you were so excited for us. I know you loved the area ever since you were in the Merchant Marines stationed on Catalina. I think you saw inside me and knew I was a California girl through and through and that living in Utah had been slowly killing me. So we talked a bit and made some plans for you to come and visit. You asked to speak to Nanny to wish her a happy birthday one day early. She was the last one of us to speak to you. Did you know what was going to happen? Is that why you called? I am so glad we have that conversation to remember. So much has happened since you left. After you were first gone, if I got sad I would go into the front yard where there were three giant pine trees. When the wind blew through them, I could close my eyes and imagine I was with you at the cabin. It was very comforting. The house burned down this past October and when I went by the other day; they had cut down those trees. It nearly broke my heart.

I know you probably watch over us and have seen all the things, but I want you to know we thought of you every time something big happened. Nanny got married at the cabin in the gazebo you and your son built. Remember the beautiful rocking chair you so lovingly made for me when I was pregnant with Nanny? Well now she rocks her two beautiful babies in it. When they are a little older I will tell them all about you so when they rock in it they will understand the love that went into it.

MacDougal is going to be a father. It is an amazing thought. One that brought you to my mind again. I see you sitting at the table with the little MacD, both your faces so intent. You were so creative and artistic and you passed that gift to all my kids. I recall how proud you were when Nanny gave you that painting she had done for you. I do wish you’d had more time with Bear. She took your passing so hard. I didn’t notice it, the school did. They put her in a special grief group with other second and third graders who had lost someone. But she was so young and kids heal so fast, now she hardly remembers much about you. That nearly breaks my heart.

The last few years we haven’t been to the cabin as much. Life just gets in the way. As soon as we get there the first thing my husband does is ask Gram if you made him a list of things that need to be done. She always has a list, just like you did. He loved helping you out that way. He admired you and lived for the praise you would heap on him when he built something or fixed something. You set an excellent example of grandfatherhood and he learned his lessons well. Every night at 5:00, Granma makes herself an Old Fashioned, walks over to your box and toasts you with “God love ya Ralph.” It is so sweet. The love you shared together goes on forever. Growing up watching you two is gift that helps me achieve that level of commitment and love in my marriage.

You lived a long and full life. Your strength, compassion and love helped us all. Five kids, ten grandkids and three great-grandchildren admired you. And now the one new great-grandchild, the two new great-great-grandchildren (and third on its way) are being taught by us about your life, love and strength. It is a powerful story that I love to share. Thanks for everything. I miss you.

 

We Interrupt This Program For A Very Important Message

I am not watching Jericho right now. I know this must shock and amaze you. No worries, I have the kids TIVOing it for me (I don’t actually have TIVO, but they do).

What, praytell (you are all thinking) could keep Vixen from the return of Jericho?????

MacDougal arrived with his fiance an hour ago and announced (drumroll, please)…………..

I am going to be a Grandma again!!!!!!!!!!!!

My first thought? Hey, so there was no permanent damage. And you know what? That was Macdougal’s first thought also.

Well, folks, here we go again. Woo hoo.

 

Xin nein kuai le! (“Happy New Year!” in Mandarin)

Today is Chinese New Year. I work with two gentlemen from Vietnam and they have been planning their celebration all week. This is the year of the Rat, they tell me. So I looked up what year I was born in. Interesting, since it turns out that my husband was also born in the year of the Tiger although he was born in a different year than me. Since it should apply to both of us…it is not very accurate. As it applies to me….well, I probably can relate to most of it.

THE TIGER

Tigers are rebels. They are both colorful and unpredictable. Their energy and love of life are stimulating.They love being the center of attention and never go unnoticed. Tigers are impatient and always look for action.They speak their minds when upset and have suspicious natures.

But in spite of their quick tempers, they are sincere, generous and very affectionate. They also possess a great sense of humor. Tigers like people, involvement,and dedication to humanitarian causes. They seek out adventures, and at certain points in their lives, they will be very rebellious. They must act out some of their ideals and lash out at the wrongs of society. Tigers are so daring that they acquire many admirers. Those who disapprove of what Tigers do still will secretly admire Tigers for their actions.

When Tigers are injured they need all-out sympathy. Logic does not appeal to them. They want to be comforted. They will listen sincerely to the advice you give, and then do exactly as they please. Since they have a lot of spunk, no matter how down and out they get,they never give up. They can always start over again.

People born during the year of the Tiger have super egos. Tread lightly and don’t hurt their feelings. They may never forgive you! Tigers are romantic, passionate, and playful. They are also extremely jealous and possessive. If they do not learn to control their emotions, they could cause themselves much trouble.The lives of Tigers are full of emotional situations, but they love it that way. They love life and want to live it to the fullest.

Optimistic, Tigers always bounce back for new and fresh challenges. Tigers are very generous with rewards when you have pleased them. Being delightful hosts, Tigers go all-out to see that you have a good time. They are intense individuals, especially when upset and angry, but Tigers are famous for their ability in influencing others and swaying crowds.

gung hay fat choy!

(“wishing you prosperity” in Cantonese)

Here is a link to see what year it was when you were born

 

I Have Issues

I have many issues. This blog is my lifesaver yet I have neglected it. As Harlekwin said in a comment, my depression is definitely situational. I have dug myself a pit and am unable to figure out exactly how I am going to get out of it. I, once again, don’t have a decent TT. I also have not posted the results from my TITT weeks ago. This will sound like a pity party, but I just want to put it out there anyway, because it makes me feel better.

There is not enough time in the day. And I seem to be much, much more exhausted with the pain. To me it seems I am in permanent limbo with these pain issues. I only get better if I don’t do anything. But I am out of paid time off and had to take Monday off without pay. Stupid ass bus that hit me.

It has been rainy and so my commute is longer (WHY can’t SoCal people drive in the rain???) which means I have less free time and more pain from sitting in the car.

There have been some issues with money. Like a lack of food and gas money. And a serious lack of money/diapers/telephone service/seizure medication over at Ladybugs house, so I have been giving all I have to that.

I took the g-babes and their parentals to the snow because I knew it wouldn’t last and it was only 21 miles up the road. We had a great time, but Ladybug had at least one seizure which I witnessed. It was very brief and something her parents witness weekly, but I don’t. Honestly it upset me at levels I hadn’t even recognized until I started typing this and started bawling.

Mr. Vixen’s disability seems to be in permanent limbo. I do not make enough money alone. It has been since August. Any longer and I will lose my only car and my electric and water and possibly my sleeping quarters.

I feel like the biggest, stupidest, most idiotic person on the place of the planet. I haven’t shared with you all (the only people I can share with) most of the stuff that has been happening at the homestead. I talked about how my toilet doesn’t work, but I didn’t tell you all that the barn toilet I was using also broke nearly two months ago. Now I am forced to use the toilet in Cousin It’s house. That is 2.5 acres away. My blood sugar has been poorly controlled and meds have been changed/increased. The side effects are…ummm….toilet usage. Spontaneously and direly in the middle of the night. It hasn’t always been possible. It has been ugly. During a conversation with my aunt/landlady the day after Xmas, I was very honest with her. Nearly hysterical in trying to explain to her how impossible this situation is. The result: “You don’t not have a bathroom. You just have a bathroom that is inconvenient to get to.” I also never told you all that after I moved in I found out there was full ducting for a heater in the MiniCabin, but that they had “saved money” and purchased it without a furnace. So not only do I not have heat (and it has been in the 25-30 range nightly for three months), but I have a bunch of vents that let cold air in. I finally taped cardboard over all of them. We have a lovely electric heater my mother bought me for Christmas, but then our electric bill for the month (the kids don’t have heat in their ‘rooms’ either and so have to use space heaters) was $750. Insanity. I have a plan, but it cannot come to fruition without Mr. Vixen’s SSDI. Catch-22. The stupid part, I continue to pay rent and they continue to harass me about paying it on time.

So many things. All wrong. Most likely illegal. Family. Stress. I have all these things I want to say and write and create. But I come home and suffer silently in pain. Jeebus, this isn’t what I wanted this post to say. But I have to put it somewhere. Please don’t think less of me…

EDIT: Also I have a ton of pictures I want to put up on my 365 and I actually did some kind deeds that I need to post also!! I feel crappy about my lack of posting stuff!

2nd EDIT: After that pathetically sad post, I have to add this video. Because I keep having to go back to it so I can stop crying. It makes me smile and if I keep hitting replay I can forget the ‘look’ when she had the seizure and I hear is “3, 2, 1 Doh”:

 

Invocation To The Lords Of Dir#ctTV

Poor Marmagoo has no TV. which made me sad for her and then I remember LOST is back tomorrow and I started to have a little big panic attack. I have waited and waited for this show to return. This show is my nasty, dirty habit. I postponed my daughter’s wedding rehearsal by one night, because they wanted it at the same time as LOST was on (this was back in 2004 when it had just started). I wanted to hate LOST when they killed Charlie, but I couldn’t. There is probably a support group out there for me, but they say you can’t be helped until you are ready and I am soooo not ready.

My entreaty to Dri#ctTV: Please, please, please come out to the house and do whatever it is that you (supposedly) told Cousin It you had to do to fix the TV. I believe it is probably an issue with lack of payment (as it was the last three times it went off), but Cousin It claims you told him the “wind moved the dish” and that you couldn’t come fix it until Thursday. Tomorrow is Thursday. Dear lord of dish repair guys, I need you to be done before 8pm. I will bake you cookies. Here are some great LOST quotes to keep you motivated:

Mr. Eko: “Do not mistake coincidence for fate.”

Rousseau, briefing the castaways on the Others: “You’ve only got three choices: run, hide… or die.”

Desmond: “I push this button every 108 minutes. I don’t get out much.”

Hurley: “Dude, you’ve got some Artz on you.”

Locke, to Jack: “Do you really think all this… is an accident? That we, a group of strangers survived, many of us with just superficial injuries? We were brought here for a purpose, for a reason. All of us.”

Carry on.

 

Creative Priorities

I notice lately I am more creative in my thinking. I try things that never would have occurred to me before. However, I also notice that there is not as much room in my noggin’ anymore and my creative juices seem to flow in only one direction at a time.

Yesterday I compiled all the stats from TITT and was going to post them. Then I heard that Butterball can only sleep at night in the pj’s I made her for Christmas. Her little fingers and toes get too cold in all the other pj’s she fits in. She is not quite so much a Butterball anymore, as much as a green bean. She is in the 90% height wise and only 7% weight wise. Can you say tall drink of water? So while I ran down the hill into town, I stopped at the fabric store. I mean its a long drive, might was well stop while I am down there, right?

When I got home Ladybug and Butterball were already at the homestead. That was so distracting, I never got back to the laptop. Could you resist these faces?

I simply could not type what with my fingers being eaten alive:

Then Ladybug had to see if we could take a picture of ourselves.

So today I find myself uninspired to write the results out (I have high expectations of myself to be witty-ish) and find myself unable think of anything but clearing the laptop off my work area and setting up the sewing machine. Because this cute stuff:

It is calling to me saying “Butterball’s piggys are cold…fix that!” And I can’t ignore that voice, could you?

PS: There is also this AFC Championship game going on and the underdog Chargers are winning 3-0! Go Chargers!!!!!! Can you tell I live in San Diego?

EDITED BECAUSE IT”S FUNNY: My husband is a late comer to football fanaticism. I was raised that way and trained taught him in the beginnings of the our relationship. Still he has a much to learn….

He just said, “Aw damnit Hun, the Pirates just made a touchdown” LMAO.

 

Welcome To My Tea Party

I would love it if you would visit my TITT (Totally Interactive Thursday Thirteen) and VOTE. Polls are open until Friday. Results on Saturday.

I wrote what I thought was a pretty good story HERE and no one (except two of my kids) commented on it. I know someone read it, but no one said a single word. Please tell me what you think.

I know you think my 365 Project died, but it is actually better than ever. I have been taking my camera with me to work and stopping to catch some shots every single day. It is just that I didn’t have time to load ’em up. Now I have. It starts on January 4th until today. Starting on January 5th I began chronicling my daily visits to the burned area that was our home a few months ago……I think I am doing some interesting stuff. Please, please, please take a look and let me know what you think.