Craptastic


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It’s 5:46am. It’s cold out here. Slept maybe five or six hours. Going to have to work on that. My jaw and the tooth that needs the crown are aching. Clenched too much in my sleep. Still shaking. Confused, hurt, feeling a little lost. Numb. Aimless.

Plan for today? Who knows. Can’t think that far ahead.

WTF am I doing up this early?

I have been a renter for 10 years. To a complete stranger. I am not perfect, I have had issues and made mistakes. Still never in 10 years did she issue a Quit Or Pay order. In fact, to this day I owe her $4,000 in back rent, yet she knows my situation and knows I will pay her when I can (as I always have).

But family, they should know you, right? Especially the ones you have always been very close too. Who saved your husband’s life (emotionally/mentally) when I thought there was no hope. Asking me to be a part of something that I, obviously, might have reservations about (because in spite of the fact that we have been close my entire life) because her husband was in control. He who raped me and my sister. I thought I was forgiving. I thought it made no difference.

The truth is I didn’t have to pay rent at all since the day I had no toilet facilities. But I continued to do so. The truth is I give every penny I have to you for rent that I shouldn’t have to pay at all, legally. I am the idiot.

So, you have your son, who is a pawn but not free of guilt issue an order of 30 Quit. No reason. Not pay or quit. Just quit. In fact, you cut off the legal portion that is required by law to tell me why I have to quit the premises. I probably have more education in tenant/landlord law than you do, but since this has been an illegal rental all along it does not matter.

What matters is that I know. I know my rights and I know what is morally correct. And I love my family. This will not get back to them. Even if you let it, I will not defend myself or have any part of it. You have literally destroyed anything there was. I pity you and I pity your son, but mostly I pity your poor grandaughter who is very attached to us. She already has a divided family that hates each other, how sad to take away her auntie and her beloved Bear.

We will be gone in the 30 days. There is no way to go back from here. Even if it was a “scare tactic” there is no going on from here. Mr. Vixen and I have already prepared our tent. The kids are mostly big now, I only have to worry about Bear and I know where she can go for now. How do former homeowners who make too much money to qualify for aide end up homeless? Like this. 

I have only one warning for you: DO NOT talk about this to my mother (your sister) or my grandmother (your mother), because if you do….

The fires of hell will not compare to the rath you will feel.

 PS I am in the barn. And it is cold. So I have to go now. Rant over….life? not yet. I promise.

Hey everyone, this is Vixen’s daughter Shannymar here to let you know that she is internet-less once more due to the total craptacity of the power cord to her laptop. (If you follow her blog regularly, then you know this isn’t the first or second time!)

She wanted me to let you know that she misses you terribly and is having Internet withdrawals, which I don’t doubt for a second otherwise she wouldn’t be calling me. I’m just waiting for the phone call in a couple of hours when she JUST CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE and she makes me sign on to read her comments to her.

So leave her nice comments while she is gone about how much you miss her and about what an ASS her power cord is and how you would TOTALLY kick it’s butt if you saw it on the playground.

So those pictures I promised you of the eclipse? I did promise, didn’t I? At any rate, you have to go here to see the awesomeness for several reasons. You see her tripod is 2 times better than mine, her camera is three times better than mine, her talent is four times better than mine and her vision is five times better than mine (but, hey, she’ll get old someday too). I did, however, manage to capture 27 amazingly pure black photos of nothing but pure blackness before my batteries died. Quite good too, if you ask me. So go visit Nannygoat’s awesome recap of our eclipse evening.


The other day at Skittle’s Place I finally found out how to do those little lines in a post (above/below). Cool.


This morning I noticed I sent out an invoice to a customer in Slovenia with their company name wrong. The company is Geoservis and I sent it out Geocervix. I hope that translates better in Slovenian.


I need a place to live. It must accept dogs. It must be quick, before I lose my mind.


Everything I just said above is irrelevant. Until Mr. Vixen’s SSDI comes through I can’t do shit but wait and try to keep my kids and husband from hurting anyone. Most especially me.


I just had to add shit to my spell checker. Perfect.

I don’t have words to describe
And what would you care anyway
I can roll with the punches
But only because I always have an instant plan
If only it was just me
But it’s not I have to separate myself
And tuck away any emotions
Care for my family, as dwindling as it might be
No matter the instructions
Take care of yourself
Who I am, means I must take care of the youngin’
I just need a place to go
Where I can live with life’s necessities
And not suffer this paralyzing, slow torture
Of punishment and disappointment
Of losing my spark, my soul

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