I haven’t been feeling right. I have never “felt” this way before, so I am not sure what it is that I am feeling. I started joking that maybe I have PTSD. Then (while I should be working) I found this:

In general, post-traumatic stress disorder can be seen as an overwhelming of the body’s normal psychological defenses against stress. Thus, after the trauma, there is abnormal function (dysfunction) of the normal defense systems, which results in certain symptoms. The symptoms are produced in three different ways:

1. Re-experiencing the trauma
2. Persistent avoidance
3. Increased arousal

First, symptoms can be produced by re-experiencing the trauma, whereby the individual can have distressing recollections of the trauma. For example, the person may relive the experience as terrible dreams or nightmares or as daytime flashbacks of the event. Furthermore, external cues in the environment may remind the patient of the event. As a result, the psychological distress of the exposure to trauma is reactivated (brought back) by internal thoughts, memories, and even fantasies. Persons also can experience physical reactions to stress, such as sweating and rapid heart rate. (These reactions are similar to the “fight or flight” responses to emergencies described by Dr. Walter Cannon.) The patient’s posttraumatic symptoms can be identical to those symptoms experienced when the actual trauma was occurring.

The second way that symptoms are produced is by persistent avoidance. The avoidance refers to the person’s efforts to avoid trauma-related thoughts or feelings and activities or situations that may trigger memories of the trauma. This so-called psychogenic (emotionally caused) amnesia (loss of memory) for the event can lead to a variety of reactions. For example, the patient may develop a diminished interest in activities that used to give pleasure, detachment from other people, restricted range of feelings, and a sad affect that leads to the view that the future will be shortened.

The third way that symptoms are produced is by an increased state of arousal of the affected person. These arousal symptoms include sleep disturbances, irritability, outbursts of anger, difficulty concentrating, increased vigilance, and an exaggerated startle response when shocked.

If there was a test for this I am pretty sure I would get an A+ (I always was good at tests). Now I wonder where I go from here? I have so many funny/annoying stories to tell you still, but whenever I sit down I am compelled to get up, run off, and do something else. This is good for the laundry which has now all been washed, even the clean stuff was washed again. Just in case. I am not a laundry person. I bet last month I did one-maybe two loads the entire month. Mr. Vixen usually does it. Maybe its not PTSD, but obsessive-compulsive laundry disorder?

Don’t leave me, my internetty peeps. I am boring as hell right now, but I got the stories and pictures brewing inside my head. I just have to figure out how to set them free.

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