Vixen’s Den

So, the leach field was beyond salvage. We have no choice but to put her out to pasture. As of this morning, our toilet is again non-functioning. It lasted approximately 48 hours. Now I am back to the yellow beast in the barn. So if posts are slow and not very entertaining you will know why. I lose some of m shimmer when I keep having to run way over there to the cold, dark barn. Catch ya on the flip side.

This post truly reflects why you should all stay with me during my crappy times.

Go here and feel my pain.

Thirteen Things Reasons You Should Visit My 365 Project I want you to. I want it in a way that is crazy and unnatural. I find that very fascinating. I am interesting. I admit my story is unfolding slowly, but it is still interesting. I am starting to take better and better pictures. I love my new camera and I am having a blast discovering how to use it to express my creativity. You want to see fun photography, you know you do. My family is frustrating and different. I have never been shy and this is like sharing my journal with everyone I know or don’t know. You can influence someone you have never met. You can post comments and share your wisdom and stories. The world is getting big and scary. This little (ha ha) blog world is a way for us all to connect and become a type of community that could help make the world a better place. It allows the voyeur in you to investigate someone elses life without guilt. It is fun. It is sad. It is frustrating. It is love. It is fleeting. It is stability. It is real. I want to be rich and famous. You reading my 365 Project won’t help that, but I just wanted to put it that notion out to the universe. You pity me. You read this stuff and you say to yourself…”she really needs complete strangers to validate her own life?”. Yes, I do. So throw me a pity party in the comment section for the next 365 days. You are all nice life that. What else do you have to do? Seriously, you don’t have a life outside the internet do you? I can help you kill more time on here and I will make the popcorn. If you don’t visit, I might get distracted and spend too much time watching senseless television shows, eating bon bons, raising my blood suger and getting fat. Then I might get sick and die. The end.

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
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Are you scared? You should be. I am telling you…all you people who come and visit my blog (who I really, really appreciate in spite of the fact that I am going to threaten you now), you are not visiing my 365 Project. Puulease come see. I am journaling my daily life and baring my soul. Come see and comment. Because I am comment hungry like that. I know I am a ho-bag, but I am an honest ho-bag. Now go visit my 365 Project and read all the posts and comment.

Or, I will come to your house and I will grab your hands and I will force your fingers to push the keyboard buttons. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

It’s true that she is hands down more talented a writer than I, she puts into words my 18 years as a non-Mormon in Utah exactly how I would have written it if I was that funny or creative all those years ago, she is the way I found out what the HEdoubletoothpicks a blog was and is the reason I am here. But I have to say, my kids would not stop harrassing me about how great Chuck is!!!! And since I currently own 7 dogs, I felt bad that none of my dogs could compare to CHUCK! So I worked long and hard and V O I L A………….A pumpkin on PUMPKIN (that is her name)

I have mentioned a couple of times (but probably not enough) about Shelly’s Share A Square Project. It is such a big undertaking and a wonderful idea. That lady has a heart the size of Texas! One of the reasons you have not been getting as many long, mind numbing posts from me, is because I am working of putting together one of the afghans for her.

Well, Shelly needs a bit more help . She has a lot of squares and people to help put them together, but not enough squares to let each child know that 48 different people cared enough to send them love squares. Now if you don’t crochet that is okay also, just let your readers know and tell your freinds and family, and surely you will run into someone who can crochet. We have squares from all over the world already, but we need a little more variety. Can you help and fast?

The autumn air is clear,
The autumn moon is bright.
Fallen leaves gather and scatter,
The jackdaw perches and starts anew.
We think of each other- when will we meet?
This hour, this night, my feelings are hard.

Autumn Air by Li Bai

Hey don’t forget to visit my Project 365

When you are Happy by Eileen Spinelli

When you are happy
oh, when you are happy,
I will outleap the frog,
outbuzz the bee,
outwink the firefly.
I will twirl you
round meadows
until we are both
dizzy
and dazzled,
and falling down
into our grassy heap
of joy.

Where has this week gone? Here one moment, gone the next. The fall air is so crisp and invigorating, it is hard to tear myself away from the beauty of the days. And the days are short and the nights are cold (wait, is that a song?). When my time to write finally arrives its too cool to sit on the porch unless I curl up under a blanket. Anyone know how to type from under a blanket?

Today my mom called me at work. She had a health issue two weeks ago, where she woke up unable to breath. She felt like she was underwater. Her ankles and feet had ballooned to freakish size. I know what this is. I lived this with her Dad for years. He was much older than she is now and had emphysema to boot. But I know. She went to a specialist. He did some blood work and tests and said she was fine. Except for one test that hadn’t come back. She told me what that test was. I knew the test and what it means, but I waited for the results quietly. The results came and were not “normal”, but borderline. He told her it was nothing. He said it was just because she was retaining water. Stupid doctor. Why was she retaining water? Duh. They gave her diuretics. Which worked for a time.

Today she could not breath again. She added chest pain to the mix to keep things lively. At the ER she was administered an EKG which showed she was not having a heart attack at the moment. However, her chest pain responded to nitroglycerin. She had gained 6 pounds of water overnight. They have admitted her and have scheduled an angiogram for tomorrow. She is only 64 years young.

I grew up the oldest child in a young family. I remember the day my first child was born and my Dad stood just outside the birthing room with my Mom. He whispered to her, “I am too young to be a Grandfather.” She whispered back, “We were young parents and we are young grandparents. It’s ok.”

My beloved Grama Healy (my great grandmother), who taught me to crochet, was the matriarch of the family. She taught me everything there is to know about being The Matriarch. What I didn’t grasp before she was gone, my grandmother instilled in me. Grama H was 87 when she passed, and I was 10. Shortly after that, my paternal grandfather developed a brain tumor and passed within 6 months of his diagnosis. But that was all the death I had to deal with for years and years.

My maternal grandfather was a fighter. He was given 3-6 months to live every six months for about 10 years. It was surreal many times. When he finally could battle no longer, I was already 38 years old. I have been a very lucky soul. To have so much family surrounding me with their love and strength. And they have mostly spared me loss.

But I know time marches on. I am unable to stop it. I may not feel like I am aging, but I see it in the aging of my parents and my children. This will be a new chapter, this dealing with fear of loss. I have had so much upheaval and disruption these last few years and I feel stronger. But I don’t like the sense of unknown. Of being not sure how I will react and how I will cope. I do not welcome fear. I do not welcome a lack of control. But I am strangely curious as to the next level of my awareness. Of this next stage of my life that I will encounter and absorb and internalize. Who will I be? Who will I become?