March 2007

With all the chaos that is my life right now, my sanity sometimes hinges on little things. Like the fact that I love the people I work with. We have gone from being a large company, bought out by a huge, clueless corporation, to a small personal place. And always they have been like a second family to me. Today was our 1st anniversary as a small new company and we celebrated at the newly opened Hooters. You gotta love a job that takes you to lunch at Hooters. While the guys daydreamed whatever it is that men think about at Hooter’s, I was struck by the happy thought that once, a long, long time ago, I could have been a Hooter’s Girl (if Hooter’s had been founded back then). And yes, I am wearing a Hooter’s Tank top.
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As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back.

Don’t be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.

Bear and Fishboy are on my laptop arguing over the color of a cell phone: red vs pink

Bear: Mom, look. What color is this?

Me: Red. Dark, crimson red. Probably why they called it Crimson.

Fishboy: See I told it wasn’t pink. You really are color blind.

Me: No, only men can be color blind.

Bear: Pfft you are so wrong Mom, what about Helen Keller?

It’s hard to watch your family implode. My grama has been diagnosed with cancer. She has five children, the oldest is my mother. Now this is a hard time for all of them and watching them struggle to get through these early stages is hard. Communication is difficult and feelings are getting hurt. It seems obvious from the outside, but I know that it is not on the inside. It tears me apart to see them hurting so much and hurting each other. Control seems to be an issue also. My grandmother wants to be in control and each of them, in their own way, are struggling for control of their own. We are very tight-knit family, Irish Matriarch-type, and this is a futile struggle. No one but God is in charge now, but its not always easy to give it over. I pray for them and us, our unit. We must remain strong.

I have no idea what I am doing here. I love to read these things all day long, but I am not a writer….if this goes bad blame Kim. She asked me to be her guinea pig and I can’t say no to anyone. Not even someone I have never met or talked to. As I get the hang of this I will probably just come on here and complain about how crappy my life is. Or it will become a shrine all about how adorable my grandchild is (which is what my office walls at work are). Hopefully, it will become something swell and wonderful, but we will see.

over and out